Guilt Gifts | The Diamonds

I felt special wearing such beautiful pieces given to me by a man I loved and respected deeply. I don't wear them anymore.

Sept. 4, 2025

I wrote this on August 30 and have moved it to drafts and republished it multiple times since, unsure if I truly wanted to share it.

I’ve also edited it from the original version, choosing to keep my anger about certain parts of this story between him and me rather than share it publicly.

Tonight, I decided to republish the edited version because the questions I ask at the end are important and worth asking.

This was my experience with someone I loved deeply, who used these gifts and other tactics to hurt me while whispering words of love and safety into my head and heart.

I keep asking myself what kind of person does that.

And I still don’t know.

It’s beyond comprehension for me.

August 30, 2025

I've had a lot of time to reflect on the diamonds he gave me and how I want to tell their story.

This is important because they became a supporting character in our love story.

To me, they represented love, safety, and home.

To him, they were ownership, control, and manipulation.

They padded his ego, letting him feel like a man worth loving—right after other women left when they uncovered his lies, manipulation, and cheating.

At least that was my experience with them.

The Diamonds He Gave Me

I never asked for diamonds.

I never even wanted them.

I was happy with Walmart pearls and $3 earrings.

Diamond Necklace #1 came our first Christmas.

Sweet, simple, full of promise.

The Diamond Studs followed—an early birthday present.

Later, I would learn they were also a guilt gift,

given in the shadow of another woman who had left

warning signs around his house that he lied to my face to cover.

Diamond Necklace #2 appeared not long after.

“Just because,” he said. Because he thought it would look beautiful on me.

Thinking back, the timing was telling—barely a month after the other woman had left. Another guilt gift, or maybe both: beauty wrapped around betrayal.

Diamond Necklace #3 was the biggest of them all.

Christmas 2024.

By then, things weren’t good.

I had already seen photos on his phone from another woman while sitting next to him.

I had already found a stack of old love letters hidden in his closet when I went to grab a hoodie he told me where to find.

I never told him I saw either. Now I know they were planted as a part of his cruelty.

At the time, I was sure he had cheated on me.

Human but forgivable. At least for me.

Guilt gift #3.

And still, he placed the heaviest necklace around my neck, and I wore it proudly.

Intoxicated by the addiction that was him.

Our relationship fractured in February of 2025.

Right before I was supposed to meet his sister.

When I finally asked for my things back in March, he returned my nighties I had bought just for him, and my face cream in bags that included the proof of purchase tucked inside. $6,600. Guilt gift #3, now with a guilt receipt.

On April 17, I uncovered the depths of his lies, psychological abuse, and childlike cruelty.

Now I ask myself:

Should I feel grateful?

What is the cost of my emotional and psychological safety?

Of my sexual health?

Of my dignity?

How much should I charge to cover up someone else's shame and shitty behavior?